Blogging While Female

Finally an article about sexual identity that I can completely relate to: But I'm Gay!

It's all about that life-up-ending moment when, after being happily gay and out and proud, you find yourself attracted to the opposite sex.

That was totally me three and a half years ago (I can't believe I've been dating Billy for almost that long!)

When I first realized I had a major crush on a boy (my boyfriend, during my freshmen year of college, after never having had an interest in men of any sort and one failed relationship with a girl) it was sooooooooooooo confusing. It wasn't a situation I'd heard of anyone else being in before. Intellectually I knew sexuality was fluid and that bisexuality existed, but it didn't make any sense for this to happen to me.

I think for me the situation was helped because Billy and I were already such good friends before we started dating. We'd met at the beginning of the school year and had quickly become fast friends (despite a jealous girlfriend on his part). And when I figured out that I did, in fact, have a crush on him, I shrugged it off because of said-girlfriend. It was a "safe" crush because nothing could come of it; it would pass in time and I could go back to looking for Ms. Right.

Well then he had to go and dump her because he liked me and the rest is history :-)

I do wish this issue was talked about more, however. Like the article mentions, at first you feel like a traitor (and I was apparently branded one by a high school friend). You feel like you're giving credence to the "it's just a phase" and "all you need is the right man" arguments. You feel like you've been slapped in the face when you see the look of relief on your parents faces. And until today I had never seen anyone else talk about it. Because it is such a taboo topic within the LGBT community, I think we're afraid that if we talk about this too much we'll just give fuel to the aforementioned arguments. It's the same reason that bisexuals have often, and still do, get the short end of the stick when it comes to LGBT issues. We're the least visible because it is so easy for us to "pass" as heterosexuals. I think in some ways those of us who are bisexual aren't really considered part of the queer community if we're dating someone of the opposite sex.

Any thoughts?

So legislation has been proposed in Oregon to make the paper work for changing names after marriage much more egalitarian. It's no longer assumed (by the proposer of this bill, at least) that women will definitely be changing their names to their husband's. Sweet.

Of course in the comments we're making it all about our name change stories.

I don't have much of a story yet - since I'm not married. However it is a topic that my boyfriend and I talk about from time to time. It's one of those Issues that should be worked out before getting engaged, we figure.

Of course, this makes for lots of unhappy and stressful dinner conversations.

The Bf and I are both very strong willed people. He's known since we met - well before we were even potentially interested in each other romantically - that I didn't want to change my name to match my husband's. Sexist, antiquated, etc. etc. However, now that I'm in a situation where marriage seems imminent (even if still years away), I've been reconsidering my position and seeking compromises.

I'm huuuuuuuuuuuugely against taking his last name. However I've proposed combining our names, hyphenation, and picking out a new one (we even had one all picked out and settled for awhile. Blaizer. Bad ass name - purposely misspelled - but apparently it was suggested in jest). After awhile the Bf concluded that he really didn't want to change his name, either - he's very proud of his family and where he's come from. I'm a little more ambivalent - maybe from growing up in a society where women's names have less permanence? - but not so ambivalent that I'm going to cave and take his name (and that's what it would feel like - giving up). So now it looks like we're going to just put our names together, so after I marry I'll be Angela Craft Coffing. Or Angela Coffing Craft.

Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like "Blaizer," does it?

So...why don't I just keep my name and he keep his? Well if we weren't going to have kids I'd be all for that. But we're going to have kids and just don't know what to do with naming them. Alternate last names (i.e. first born gets his, second gets mine?), combine our names for the kids, or give them the hyphenation? I don't want to alternate mostly so we don't end up with 'odd one out' syndrome - for a couple of years at least there would be two people with one last name and then the third person with the other. Petty, perhaps, but I certainly don't want to be that third person. And what if something happens and we only end up with one kid? The Bf is against combining names since half the point of keeping his is passing it on to the next generation. Hyphenating their names might be the best option in that case - though I still think its an unwieldy combination.

It's a difficult place to be in right now. I'm still not comfortable with our plans yet. Which means we'll end up with another angsty conversation in no time.

Not that there's anyone here yet to read this, but it's a start :-)

My name's Angela and for awhile I've been wanting to start a personal blog. I've been blogging for years now (probably around 5 or 6 - I started back in high school and I just finished my fourth year of college - one more semester to go! Super senior!) but all of my blogs tend to become general purpose ones - I blog about how my day is going, my reactions to current events, and my fandom activities all in the same place. However that last category (which probably accounts for 40% of my posts in other blogs) means that my writing can't get a very large audience. Either I want to maintain control over who gets to read about that part of my life, or other people don't want to read about that. The events of Strikethrough '07 underscored the need for privacy in that aspect of my 'net life. As people were throwing around LJ alternatives that we should all emigrate to en masse, I saw InsaneJournal mentioned and quickly staked my claim to a couple of names on here. When I finally decided (after posting twice in my other blog today about current events) to get up and start that new blog, this is where I came.

So I plan on posting about a lot of things, many of which will have a feminist orientation. That's how I roll and I'm not going to hide it. Not everything will be explicitly feminist - after all, feminist issues are human issues - but it's a way of thinking that infiltrates all parts of my life so I'm going to be upfront about its existence.

I've been a feminist of varying shades of "radicalness" for as long as I can remember (and will forever identify myself as a radical feminist - no matter what other people may think I am - because the original meaning of radical was akin to heartfelt or passionate). My mom's a feminist (of a different stripe than I am, but a feminist nonetheless) and she raised me well :-) On other personal notes, I'm 22, preparing to graduate with a major in English Language, Literature and Writing and a minor in Communication/Theatre Arts from EMU. I spent the last two years preparing to go into education before realizing last month that no, I don't actually want to teach (I want to be a librarian eventually). So I've switched my major (third time!) and am planning on doing...something after I graduate in December. I'm looking at editing for a young adult publishing company (outside of feminism, my passion is reading, especially YA lit. Don't be surprised if you see some YA lit related posts here) but I'm still not positive what I'm going to end up doing. I know I'm going to end up somewhere with my boyfriend of the last three years, who wants to act and/or write and/or direct (my baby, the starving artiste!)