InsaneJournal

Names
So legislation has been proposed in Oregon to make the paper work for changing names after marriage much more egalitarian. It's no longer assumed (by the proposer of this bill, at least) that women will definitely be changing their names to their husband's. Sweet.

Of course in the comments we're making it all about our name change stories.

I don't have much of a story yet - since I'm not married. However it is a topic that my boyfriend and I talk about from time to time. It's one of those Issues that should be worked out before getting engaged, we figure.

Of course, this makes for lots of unhappy and stressful dinner conversations.

The Bf and I are both very strong willed people. He's known since we met - well before we were even potentially interested in each other romantically - that I didn't want to change my name to match my husband's. Sexist, antiquated, etc. etc. However, now that I'm in a situation where marriage seems imminent (even if still years away), I've been reconsidering my position and seeking compromises.

I'm huuuuuuuuuuuugely against taking his last name. However I've proposed combining our names, hyphenation, and picking out a new one (we even had one all picked out and settled for awhile. Blaizer. Bad ass name - purposely misspelled - but apparently it was suggested in jest). After awhile the Bf concluded that he really didn't want to change his name, either - he's very proud of his family and where he's come from. I'm a little more ambivalent - maybe from growing up in a society where women's names have less permanence? - but not so ambivalent that I'm going to cave and take his name (and that's what it would feel like - giving up). So now it looks like we're going to just put our names together, so after I marry I'll be Angela Craft Coffing. Or Angela Coffing Craft.

Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like "Blaizer," does it?

So...why don't I just keep my name and he keep his? Well if we weren't going to have kids I'd be all for that. But we're going to have kids and just don't know what to do with naming them. Alternate last names (i.e. first born gets his, second gets mine?), combine our names for the kids, or give them the hyphenation? I don't want to alternate mostly so we don't end up with 'odd one out' syndrome - for a couple of years at least there would be two people with one last name and then the third person with the other. Petty, perhaps, but I certainly don't want to be that third person. And what if something happens and we only end up with one kid? The Bf is against combining names since half the point of keeping his is passing it on to the next generation. Hyphenating their names might be the best option in that case - though I still think its an unwieldy combination.

It's a difficult place to be in right now. I'm still not comfortable with our plans yet. Which means we'll end up with another angsty conversation in no time.